just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
