Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize