the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
