I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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