Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
