I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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