U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
