Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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