it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
