I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
