I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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