Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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