On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
