im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
