i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
