can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There r osticjed everywhere
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
