It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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