Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
