hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
