It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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