fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
