You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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