I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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