I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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