it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
