New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
