Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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