Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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