I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
