everyone is single if you try hard enough
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
