Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize