i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
