At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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