Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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