sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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