When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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