Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize