he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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