All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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