It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
