i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
