I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
