Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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