Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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