i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
