Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
