Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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