i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
