tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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