she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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