but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
