It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
