So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
