I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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