i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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