Are we in a gay sports bar?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
