when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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