his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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