I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize