a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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