I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
