I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
