I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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