And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
