He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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