The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
