he shaved USA in his pubs
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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