How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just found puke in my bra..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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