did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
