At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
