3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
