I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize