He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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