Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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