Barsexuality is the new black.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
