I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
