I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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