you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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