Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Vodka?
Forever.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
