i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
