exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
