You're completely useless in the revolution.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Randomize
