Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
