Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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