TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize