Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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