I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
