Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
