Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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