Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
