Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Girls should come with a carfax report
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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