I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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