I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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